


Broken Beyond Measure

by STARSdidathing



Category: Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Asgardian Tony Stark, Canon Divergence - Avengers (2012), Established Relationship, Feels, Grief/Mourning, Happy Ending, Heartbreak, Homophobia, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Loki (Marvel) Angst, Loki (Marvel) Feels, Loki (Marvel) Needs a Hug, Loki Gets a Hug (Marvel), M/M, Not Really Character Death, Odin (Marvel)'s A+ Parenting, Sad with a Happy Ending, Secret Relationship, Suicidal Thoughts, Wordcount: 1.000-5.000
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-15
Updated: 2020-10-15
Packaged: 2021-03-08 18:21:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,060
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27021184
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/STARSdidathing/pseuds/STARSdidathing
Summary: The shattering of Loki didn’t happen overnight. He buckled under the revelation of his heritage and he broke during and after the void, but the fissures in his heart and soul began long before that.
Relationships: Loki/Tony Stark
Comments: 82
Kudos: 612





	Broken Beyond Measure

**Author's Note:**

> I know I'm behind on my comments, but rest assured they are on my to do list! For now, enjoy a new fic! My 399th fic in this fandom. _When_ the hell did that happen??? :O

The shattering of Loki didn’t happen overnight. He buckled under the revelation of his heritage and he broke during and after the void, but the fissures in his heart and soul began long before that.

Sneers, jealousy, petty revenge and a shadow he could never escape, that was where resentment took root.

But it could have been avoided if it wasn’t for the first jagged, deep and agonising fracture. 

It was over a century before his fall when Loki met an Asgardian weaponsmith named Anthony and fell in love.

Miraculously, Anthony loved him too, but that was not the part that hurt. 

They were together in secret for half a century, stealing moments when they were able and hiding their illicit, forbidden affair from everyone. 

Loki knew he would give up everything for Anthony. He promised it, and in fact, did it. Loki packed up the few items he cared about and Anthony did the same. They fled Asgard under the cover of darkness and using one of the hidden passageways between the realms.

For their love, they would do anything, including hide on the ignored, underdeveloped world of Midgard.

They created a life together. They lived in a small house they built in the middle of a forest. They loved each other there for almost a decade.

Loki for the first time in centuries was blissfully, _perfectly_ happy - until Odin found them.

He arrived with the Einherjar and ripped them and their world apart. Loki pleaded with his father to show mercy, to leave him be. He didn’t want the throne, he didn’t want Asgard, he just wanted to be left alone and to be with Anthony.

His father ignored him. Odin ordered the Einherjar to get rid of Anthony; the stain on Loki and the Allfather’s reputation.

Loki begged for Odin not to hurt Anthony. He tried to reach his beloved who was struggling to get to him. Loki pleaded until his throat was raw to not have anything happen to Anthony.

But his words were ignored. Loki was dragged back to Asgard and punished for fleeing his duties. His lips were sewn shut to keep him from telling anyone of the disgusting things he had been doing for ten years. A lie for his absence was given and Odin told Loki that he, and no one else, was to blame for what had happened to Anthony. He was told he was _lucky_ he was still alive.

He was locked in his room afterwards, unable to speak, and forced to cry and mourn in silence.

To be with a man was a crime punishable by death.

Odin told Loki he was lucky to be alive, but Loki wished he had died along with his love.

It was in that moment, a century before he was revealed as a Jotun, that the first parts of Loki started to shatter.

* * *

Loki never recovered from Anthony’s death. He never forgave Odin either.

He also never took another lover, he couldn’t bear to. They would only be hollow replacements for a man he would forever love, but could never regain. 

Loki blamed himself even when he knew that Anthony had understood and accepted the risks that came with their relationship.

It didn’t stop the way his hate became insidious and how he lashed out with harsh tricks and thinly veiled disgust for everyone on Asgard. 

His heart had been broken, his happiness stolen, and Loki knew it would never recover or return.

He set his sights on the throne of Asgard. He would improve things, he would _revise_ things. He would do something right for Anthony.

But when his arm turned blue, when his life was a lie, when he lost Anthony for _nothing_ , he spiralled out of control and lost himself.

Loki, finally, and without anyone to hold him together, shattered spectacularly and let the void consume him.

* * *

Thanos could not break what little was left of him. Thanos could not take away what was already lost.

Thanos offered him an army as well as vengeance on those who had wronged him. Loki took the staff with apathy.

Not for the first time, Loki wondered why the universe just wouldn’t let him _die_.

* * *

He made a show of invading Midgard. He played his part, but felt nothing. 

Occasionally he remembered his cottage with Anthony, he remembered; love, warmth, happiness, _peace_ \- but it hurt too much and Loki shoved the thoughts away.

He preferred to be numb.

He preferred to leave everything to his minions. He didn’t look at the information they gave him. He didn’t want to know. He didn’t want to win. He just wanted everything to _stop_.

When he gave his speech to the Midgardian’s, his heart wasn’t in it. He saw a sea of faces and remembered the few Midgardians he and Anthony had spoken to while they lived on the planet. A young race, but a kind one; some had known they were lovers and had not begrudged or hated them.

Loki could have loved Midgard, but now he was forced to harm it. The thought could only inspire the tiniest hint of guilt, so he continued to play his part. 

When the mortal heroes arrived, he faked malice and arrogance. He taunted the hero with his shield and shrugged off the bullets from their aircraft. When a blur of red and gold flew from the sky and knocked him back, Loki lost his breath at the _strength_ of the blast.

It knocked him into the ground hard enough for his eyes to go black and his head to rattle. He felt the connection to Thanos and The Other sever with the force of the blow.

 _How_ had a Midgardian managed that?

 _Will he be able to kill me?_ Another, darker part of his mind asked.

He blinked opened his eyes when he felt a metal hand pressing down on his chest. The strange face of the armour was looking down at him.

“Your eyes are green now,” the mechanical voice said. “Care to tell me who was controlling you?”

Loki blinked slowly. “No one controls me.”

“Well, that’s a lie,” the armour told him. There was a pause. “Unless you _wanted_ to be controlled; why would you want that?”

A frown puckered Loki’s brow at the man’s presumption - regardless of his accuracy.

“Stark,” the man with the shield spoke. “We need to get him restrained.”

The armour, _Stark’s_ , fingers flexed like he disagreed with the notion, yet, he still took the manacles and slapped them on Loki’s wrists. Loki was disappointed, but tried not to let it show.

The removal of his connection to Thanos meant he no longer needed to open the portal and invade the world. He still could, of course, and perhaps this Midgardian with his powerful armour would face Loki in battle and finally put an end to him.

Maybe, if he finally died, he would see Anthony in Valhalla; assuming of course, Loki would ever have a place there.

Loki moved without protest as he was led into the Midgardian aircraft. He was placed in a seat and strapped in. He heard the man with the shield and Stark talking as they took off and flew. Loki ignored them. He closed his eyes and thought of Anthony and their house on Midgard.

The memory of it still made his eyes prick with tears and his heart ache within his chest; it was the only thing that made him feel any longer, and despite the heartbreak, Loki could not shove his love away.

It would be with him until he drew his last breath-

-and with the arrival of thunder and a weight on the roof, Loki felt the renewed chance that his death would be soon. If not by Thor’s hand then by the executioner’s axe.

It was no surprise when Thor dragged him out of the aircraft, through the skies and then to land harshly on his back.

It _was_ a surprise when the armoured Migardian landed beside them only moments later. Loki had only just risen to his feet and Thor had barely had a chance to say Loki’s name.

The Thunderer turned to Stark, looking frustrated. “This need not concern you metal man.”

“It damn well does,” the Midgardian spoke. 

He walked forward but didn’t remove his armour. He was looking at Loki through those strange slits that obscured his eyes. Loki could not see the man’s gaze or even his face but something within Loki _ached_ as he stared at him. He didn’t know what or why.

“This is between myself and my brother.”

 _I am not your brother_ , the words echoed through his mind, but Loki couldn’t summon the energy to snap them.

“I do not have time for this,” the Midgardian said and much to Loki’s shock, the man batted Thor’s hand from Loki like it weighed nothing and, despite Thor’s protest, he used his gauntlet to shoot a beam at Thor that sent him hurtling off the cliff face and far into the trees below.

Loki’s eyes widened, especially when the man stepped into his personal space and placed the same gauntlet gently against his neck. “What has been done to you, Loki?”

Loki’s eyebrows furrowed, but before he could reply the faceplate was retracted and Loki sucked in a startled gasp at seeing _Anthony_. His beautiful lover, his most adored weaponsmith.

But, it couldn’t be true.

“No,” he gasped out, his voice raw and agonised. “You died.” He closed his eyes tightly. “I won’t be t-taunted.”

He wouldn’t watch this illusion.

“Oh, my dear prince,” Anthony - no _Stark_ , whispered. “They tried to kill me, but they did not succeed. I used our tricks and fled. I could not send word to you. I could not _leave_ this blasted planet. Odin knew I lived and he made sure to trap me here.” 

He heard a sound of metal before a calloused hand cupped his cheek in a gesture so familiar, Loki instantly leant into it. “I am sorry, my love. So, so, sorry.”

“Make me believe,” Loki gasped out. He’d already brought up one hand, grasping a metal wrist. “Make me believe it’s you.”

He heard the smile in the other man’s words. “You first told me you loved me in my bed, late at night when you thought I was asleep and could not hear you.” He leant closer and kissed Loki’s cheek. “Your favourite way to greet me in our home was to sneak up behind me and pull me into a hug.” 

Loki made a pained sound, remembering both of those things with perfect clarity.

“Use your magic, my love; prove this is no trick of the mind, and that it is _me_.” He stroked Loki’s cheek. “And if that does not help, search beneath my armour; find the pendant you charmed for me the first year of our courtship.”

Loki’s magic was weak after the void, but he still did as Stark asked, he searched for mental manipulation and found none. He then let his magic run over the man before him; someone his magic _leapt_ to touch and sink into.

Loki choked on his breath and his knees almost buckled but Anthony, _Anthony_ held him up. His magic knew Anthony as well as he knew himself, and when he reached the snake pendant (his first courting gift to Anthony and something Anthony had never taken off in one hundred and fifty years and still bore the marks of his magic) Loki’s eyes snapped open and he looked at his love.

“ _Anthony_ ,” he whispered.

Anthony smiled at him and tugged Loki into the curve of his arms, “ _Loki_.”

Loki wrapped his arms around the other man’s neck and slumped against him. He also pressed his lips against Anthony’s and felt the Aesir respond. He was almost crushed against Anthony’s armour with the force of their embrace, but he did not _care_.

For the first time in a hundred years, Loki could feel _joy_ and he let it erupt within his chest until he was sobbing. Their kiss broke and Anthony’s hand found his hair, stroking through it and making soothing noises.

Held up by Anthony’s arms, Loki allowed himself to break, but this time, as long as Anthony was there with him, Loki knew that he could recover and repair.


End file.
